Bilingual

Child #2:  Mom!
Me:  Yup?
Child #2:  Did you know that I am fluent in SEVEN different languages?
Me: [curious, considering he was only seven years old at the time] I didn't.  What are they?
Child #2:  English, French, Spanish, Chinese, German and Russian.
Me:  That's only six. What's the seventh?
Child #2:  Ewok.

Santa

After the following discussion, I decided Child #2 wasn't quite ready for "the talk":

Child #2:  Mom, all the kids were talking about Christmas and Santa today at school.
Me:  Oh?
Child #2:  Yup.
Me:  And what were they saying?
Child #2:  They were trying to decide if Santa really exists or not.
Me:  [deep breath] And what do you think?
Child #2:  Doesn't really matter.  I already know the truth.
Me:  You do? 
Child #2:  Yup.
Me: And you're okay with that? 
Child #2:  Yup.
Me:  Do you have any questions?
Child #2:  Nope.  It's just that everyone was wanting to argue with me but I didn't say anything-just listened. But, I know the truth and I'm the only one. 
Me:  [skeptically] And what exactly IS the truth?
Child #2:  Oh, everyone else believes that Santa isn't real.

Star Wars: The Parodies

We are Star Wars Nerds around here.  Actually, we may just be nerds around here that like Star Wars.  Either way, it's what we are.  We are not ashamed.

Which usually brings quoting the movies at random moments throughout the day...or night...or dawn...or lunch...or while we sleep or whenever.

But, as the boys get older, they have come up with some of their own set of quotes.  I call them:

"Star Wars: The Parodies"

(You'll only really understand these if you have ever seen the movies about 17 billion times.)

"Luke.  You are the chubby one."

"Help me, Chubby-Wan Kenobi!  You're my only hope."

Things That Go BUMP in the Night

Every mother LOVES to be woken up at midnight by the soothing sound of a loud crash and a few bumps over and over and over...right?

Sure.  No worries.

I had just fallen asleep when I really heard a super loud BANG! coming from Child #2's bedroom.  It happened again and again.  So, I did what any loving mother would do.

Me: [pushing husband off the bed]  Hon. Go check on that.
Husband:  What?
Me:  Seriously!  You didn't hear that?
Husband:  What?

[another CRASH!  followed by Husband leaping out of bed followed by a few muffled words followed by very sleepy yet somehow audible words]

Child #2:  Let me out.
[crash]
Child #2:  Let me out.
[crash]
Husband:  Son, what happened?
Child #2:  Let me out.

[muffled words followed by calming fatherly words followed by the sound of Child #2 getting back into bed followed by husband getting back into bed]

Me:  What happened?
Husband:  He was trying to get out.
Me:  What?
Husband:  He was trying to get out through the bookshelf. 
Me:  Over and over again!?!
Husband:  Uh huh.  Pretty much bumped everything off the shelves and now he's back in bed and there's a huge mess on the floor.
Me: Oh.  'kay.
Husband:  G'night.
Me: 'night.

What's For Dinner? Armpits!?!

Our dinner discussion tonight.

Child #2:  Our Sunday School teacher today told us that it is impossible to lick your armpits.
Child #1:  No it's not.
[raising his arm in an attempt]
Child #2:  Yes it is.
Husband:  Actually, it's not.  See?
[actually putting down his fork in an effort to convince this S.S. Teacher wrong]
Child #3:  I want to try.
[joining his father]
Me:  Let's not really try.
Grandma:  Try it!
Me:  You're not helping, mom.
Child #1:  I can almost do it.
Child #2:  You can not.  Nobody can.
Me:  Seriously, guys.  We're eating dinner.
[glancing around to see all four men trying to lick their armpits]

I'm not quite sure how it all ended, but I'm pretty certain I remember slowly and ever-so-dramatically burying my head into my arms as they rest upon the table.